Not This Time

Everyone deserves a second chance because we're all human and we make mistakes.  Except, sometimes, there just isn't enough time or space or money for it.  In my case, there just isn't enough of my heart left.

We all make mistakes and I am usually a forgiving person.  There's no point to hold a grudge.  You only hold yourself back from moving on with life.  Therefore, I know you are sorry and I do forgive you.  The only thing is that I don't think I can risk going through it again.  All the tears, all the pain, all of the drama.

Sometimes, you only get one shot.  Sometimes, the damage is too permanent that there's no chance to repair it.  Sometimes, it's simply too late.

You know, I hate to say all those things I just said.  I do believe in second chances.  I do believe in hope and its healing powers.  I do believe that it's never too late... in some situations.  This is one of the situations where it's different.  It's not black and white.  There are the 'what ifs' and 'but this and thats'.  There are the pros and cons and you want this, but you also want that.

Reality is that you can't have your cake and eat it too.  You can't have everything you want and you can't have everything you have be perfect.  However you put it, my answer is still the same... at least for now.

I believe everything happens for a reason and maybe one day... But for now, I have bigger fish to fry.  I have other priorities that I can't compromise.  This is a big year for me and I need to get focused.  Sacrifices will have to be made, but maybe they'll be for the better.  Maybe it'll all work out in the end.

There's this song I was listening to: White Horse by Taylor Swift.  It really describes my situation to the tee.  In fact, it was so precise and accurate that I honestly began to cry.

Goodbye is a sad thing, but sometimes, it's too late for you and your white horse to come around...

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn't know in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted, but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now