Happy New Years!

Happy New Years! 2010 was an amazing year, filled with ups and downs, laughs and cries and unforgettable memories. I met so many amazing people whom I learned invaluable lessons from. I had an amazing birthday spent with my close friends. I went to LA with my best friends. I spent sleepless nights on exams. I fast tracked in summer school. I visited Viet Nam and had an indescribable time. There are still hundreds more and I could go on and on about 2010.

However, this is the New Year and also my last year in high school before I set off to university—a scary thought, but when is life not scary? I have my eighteenth birthday and prom coming up. This is a big year—kind of the first step into the rest of my life and I want to put my best foot forward.

What I want to accomplish this year are as follows:

1) Make it into Ryerson‘s RTA or Image Arts-Film Production program.
2) Have an unforgettable prom and graduate.
 

3) Travel with my friends.

4) Spend more quality time with my family.
5) Stay organized (keeping my room clean).
6) Definitely catch up on sleep and learn to time manage.
7) Create a short film.
8) Be cast in a short film, commercial etc.
 

9) Get a summer internship at somewhere in the field of television and broadcasting.
10) Get and stay fit.

There are many more things, but those are my top ten.

What are yours? Whatever they are, I hope you achieve them and create long-lasting memories for 2011. Have a safe and wonderful New Years!

It's Like Looking

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

--Lysha

Friends are an amazing miracle in life.  Growing up is tough.  There is a long list of things that we encounter on that journey of discovering who we are.  From day one on this Earth until we lay down to rest, we are challenged on many levels.  In my high school years, I deal with your typical teen problems such as homework, parents, stress, boys, drama etc.  After four years, most people would get tired of hearing the same old stories over and over again.  However, a true friend will always be there to listen and repeat the same advice over and over again, even if you do not take it and instead, do the exact opposite.

Recently, I felt like I completely lost track of where I was going and sight of who I am.  I felt like I hit rock bottom, but I have a friend, who helped me get back on track.  In fact, I am blessed to have many whom I spent this Winter Break with.  However, there is one, who honestly made such a huge difference and really showed me who I really am inside, beneath all of my fronts and the drama.  She prevented me from making some really stupid decisions out of hurt and anger.  There really is no possible way for me to fully express my gratitude, but I hope she realizes someday how important she is to me.

Her understanding, support and love inspired me to write this poem, which I have dedicated to her, along with my other girlfriends, little sister, grandmother, aunt and mother.  Thank you for always being there and putting up with me.

It’s like looking at a photo,

After it’s been hung, years ago.

You know that you’re there...

Somewhere under the blanket of dust.

Thinking back, I remember those days where,

Cootie shots were a must,

And morning pills were gummy vitamins.

Decisions were black and white,

And I never had to worry about a thing,

Because Daddy always led me to the right.

It’s like looking into a pond,

After the pebble is gone.

You know that you’re there...

Somewhere beneath the never-ending ripples.

Thinking back, I remember when I never had a care;

Everything was so simple,

And my worse fear was nothing more,

Than getting an apple for lunch.

But now reality comes knocking on the door,

With its effects hard and fast like a punch.

It’s like looking at the mirror,

After you’ve finished a shower.

You know that you’re there...

But the image isn’t quite clear.

Thinking back, I remember that one dare,

That brought to life a new set of fears.

Discovered that life could be gone just like that,

Realized that loved ones will not always be around,

Learned that one decision could be my last,

Now completely lost and trying to be found.

But nothing is comparable to looking into the eyes,

Of a friend, an aunt, a sister or a mother,

Because beyond those windows lies,

The secret to making everything clearer.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I hope you’re all having an amazing holiday, surrounded by family and loved ones.

My week was packed with catching up, having some R & R and doing homework.  I am honestly so grateful for these two weeks to just unwind after a hectic first four month of my senior year.  Seriously, there is so much going on from getting the proper grades for certain programs to applying to those programs and not to mention your typical teen drama.  Nonetheless, I guess if I am being totally honest, a small part of me is happy for all of that because imagine if life was a straight path without twists and turns.  Pretty boring and tedious, huh?

Anyway, that is besides the topic.  This post is dedicated to all those special people in my life.  I just want to take this time to thank everyone for their wishes and presents.  It means a lot that you are taking time out of your day to send me a quick text, give me a call or going out and getting me a gift. 

Gift-wise, thanks to:

My family (mom, dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles), who all pitched in money so I could get the Coach wristlet that I have been eying for some time, but had no money to buy LOL.  Love you all!

Darlene Tran (wifey & sister), who got me a snowman beanie, a Hello Kitty (charm?) necklace and Hello Kitty buttons.  I love it!  They’re all so cute!  Thanks <3!

Sonia Nguyen (my blood sister), who made me a really pretty card and drew a Hello Kitty picture in it (yes, i LOVE Hello Kitty).  She also gave me a beautiful necklace that symbolizes sisterhood.  I love you and I am so glad that you are my little sister! 

My other uncle, who gets me a Christmas bear every year because I asked (I haven't seen it yet though xD).  Haha, I also LOVE stuffed animals (half of my bed is filled to the top with stuffed animals and the pile WILL continue to grow!).  Thanks for all your help and willingness to give me a ride when you can!  I appreciate everything you do! 

Ashani Jodha (my Secret Santa), who got me The Last Song DVD.  LOL I had the bootlegged version >_<, but if you have read my previous blogs, I LOVE the movie so much so I had to get the real version.  Thanks for everything, not just the gift!

Kathy Hill (my other wifey & sister), who got me something.  LOL I don’t know what it is yet because I haven’t had the chance to see her all break ;(.  Whatever it is, I am sure I’ll love it nonetheless, so thanks! <3

And to everyone who spent time with me this break!  Your presence is enough =) <3.

I love everything that I got this year and I want to thank everyone who got me a gift, but most importantly, I want to thank everyone for being in my life and keeping me in theirs.  I love you all!

Happy Holidays, everyone!  Have a safe and fun one!  =)

Honestly - Maribelle Anes

On Youtube, I am subscribed to Maribelle Anes and Lil Crazed, two unsigned, but amazing and talented, artists.  These two are one of my favourite Youtube artists of all time and astonishingly enough, they decided to collaborate on a song, which freakishly enough, describes a situation that I am currently in.

Honestly is a song that Maribelle wrote to a friend, expressing her concern for that friend because of a guy that she is dating.  At this age—actually, at any age—guys are the worse in the sense that until you find the right one, there are billions that you have to go through, which usually end up with you getting hurt.  At least, that is what I have concluded from my experiences. 

I do not always make the right decisions when it comes for guys and a lot of the times, the reasons behind those choices are not viable.  However, I decide what I decide because I like the thought of having someone or because I want to do those cute couple things.  The downside: not everyone is worth having around or the effort to do those things.  My friends tell me this all the time, but of course, I have to learn the hard way.  Anyways, everything that Maribelle sings in this song reflects everything that my friends have been saying to me.

Here is the video and the lyrics:

Verse 1
i know you
you know me
we've been friends
for a while and i can see
that you are fakin
i know that you hate it
you like the idea
not so much him
he's good looking, so wealthy
but theres other opportunities
i can't take it
he treats you like nothing
you say he aint worth it
then you turn around

Chorus
2 seconds later
your running back to his arms
do me a favour
tell me its more than enough
tell me the truth
is he making you happy
can you make it through
tell me honestly

Verse 2
is he that perfect?
does he make you smile
can you show me what
is making him worth the while
is he everything
and his personality
don't think im getting in between
im just protecting you
cause you say he aint right then

Chorus

Bridge
i can't take to see my best friend cry
you apparently love him and i wanna know why
he's a player - he's a double time dater
honestly he aint right for you
for you

Lil Crazed
now hold up you aint ever even met me,
won't give me a chance to "work out" but you SWEAT me?
lets see, can you tell me how that's fair huh?
real with my lady, i don't wear "Mascara"
because see i don't "make up" lies
i'm down for my girl, you're just way uptight
false assumptions and to me that hurts,
dont judge a book by it's cover girl, read it first,
and she deserves, more than me,
i know that but fortunately, i meet her standards,
so every single time you question her happiness, i'm still her answer,
bravo, i applaud you looking out,
but try looking in and you'll see what i'm about,
i admit, there's still a bit to POLISH me,
but trust me i'ma NAIL it, honestly

Chorus

A Christmas Redemption Epilogue

"Hi!  I’m Zoey!"

Today was closing night for A Christmas Redemption and it was indescribable.  The feelings afterwards were as bittersweet as ever.  I was relieved that this journey has come to an end because all of our hard work is shown to the world and hopefully have inspired and touched hearts.  Watching the reactions of the audience and hearing their feedback was amazing.  It truly showed that our late nights and sacrifices weren’t in vain.  However, it is also sad to know that this is the end.  This chapter of my life is closing much too soon.  There were so many amazing people on the cast and crew and I wish I had more time to spend with them.  Because rehearsals were by scene, I was either not in attendance or in another room practicing with my fellow actors.  As a result, there wasn’t much socializing time.  Luckily, come performance day, we were all stuck in the same dance studio/green room for hours on end.  It was great though.  I was able to talk to most of the cast and crew, if not everyone.  We laughed, made jokes, teased one another and created long-lasting memories.

The two girls, Sienna and Layla, from our beauty salon scene were so lovable.  They always put a smile on my face and they were so adorable.  Layla kept following me like a cute little puppy and it was heartbreaking to have to say 'bye' to both of them.  They were great to work with.  I'll miss you guys! <3

To all of my SVP family and the Acting Academy alumnus: it was inspirational to be able to work with all of you guys.  Everyone was exceptional and truly raised the bar for following scenes.  We all helped each other out when we can and were there to support one another.  It was amazing to be around my friends, but also the successful graduates of the Acting Academy to just soak in their expertise.

To the rest of the cast and crew: you guys are all truly wonderful.  Everyone was so friendly and even with one small ‘hi’, we could start up a conversation.  I am so grateful that I was able to work with such terrific people.  Nobody felt that they were better than one another and I could talk to anyone.  This feeling of closeness from such strangers was truly a blessing to experience, so thank you.

Lastly, to my family and friends who came out to support me and to those who couldn’t come, but were still rooting for me: your support really means the world to me.  I am so glad that all of you could make it and that I was able to share with you my love for the dramatic arts.  Thank you for your everlasting support.  I hope I didn’t disappoint. xD

I had an amazing and unforgettable time being in A Christmas Redemption.  It was my first time being in a Mainstage producation and it was an unbelievable experience.  Surprisingly, I wasn’t nervous at all.  While in the wings, I was excited and relaxed.  Even on stage and seeing the full house, I was at ease and happy to perform.  Although I felt like I could have brought more to the table and done a better job, many people have come up to me to congratulate me on my role.  I am very honoured for this feedback and thrilled, yet I also know that I could improve.  Nonetheless, this was a great first experience and I hope there are many more to come.

Thank you to everyone on the cast and crew.  You were all amazing to work with and I hope to see you all again.  Also, thank you to those who came out to support me and the entire production.  It really made a difference and I hope you enjoyed the show. =)

Love you all! <3

**for more photos, click here

The Last Song

“A story about family, first loves, second chances and the moments of life that lead you back home.”

I just finished reading The Last Song and I was left with a bittersweet feeling.  I was glad that the Ronnie’s problems were resolved and she learned to open her heart and forgive.  However, I was devastated that the novel was over and there was nothing left to read.  Nicholas Sparks is an exceptional writer that knows how to pull on all of the reader’s emotions and take your average summer romance and turn it into a wonderful, coming of age story.

The Last Song is about a girl, Ronnie Miller, who is forced to spend a summer with her estranged father.  At first, she is reluctant and rebellious.  However, as the story progresses, she learns to forgive her father as the two of them begin to find common ground.  During her stay with her father, Ronnie falls in love with a local boy, Will Blakelee, who burdens a secret that may destroy their relationship.

Throughout the story, Ronnie experiences her first love and heartbreak and finds a new side of her that she never thought existed.  She also rediscovers the love between her and her dad and the one thing they have in common: music.

After watching the movie, I knew that I had to read the book because it was just that amazing.  I was able to relate to all of the problems and emotions that Ronnie experiences.  As a result, by the end of the movie and novel, my eyes were red and puffy.  I was crying buckets!  The tears kept coming and they wouldn’t stop.  The Last Song reminded me of the summer two years ago where I, too, experienced my first love, constant fighting with my father and the loss of the people who meant the world to me.  Watching the movie and reading the novel, I felt like Sparks was retelling my whole summer in the eyes of Ronnie Miller and it just brought back all of those memories.

I have no regrets transitioning from the movie to the novel because it had so much more detail than the movie and it enclosed many other perspectives of that summer that Ronnie had.  The magic of the movie was prolonged and even though my novel was overdue twice, I knew I had to finish the book before letting it go.
 

The Last Song is definitely my favourite story of all time and I would strongly recommend both the movie and novel to anyone.  It is an remarkable story that almost anyone can relate to one way or another.  Sparks’ ability to tell a compelling and poignant story is clearly evident in this novel.  Both the movie and novel taught me to love, have hope and to not take anything for granted.  This story really touched me and will stay with me for the rest of my life.  No amount of words can ever describe how phenomenal this story is.

The Interview

Earlier, I wrote about vigilantism and serving justice based on your own personal judgments in Is Justice Really Served?  I don’t agree with this, but I can also see why some people believe in it.

Anyway, last week, my friend, Rochelle, and I worked on a scripted scene together.  It was about an interview between a reporter and a murderer who believes her actions are justified.  Nancy’s sister was  recently raped, so she killed the rapist with the belief that she is freeing society of their worries from this predator.  She requested for the interview to let the world know that she is not a murderer.  She wanted everyone to know that she did what she did out of the goodness of her heart and regardless of the verdict, she still believes that she did nothing wrong. 

I really enjoyed working with Rochelle.  We are competitive and we like to get on each other’s nerves.  However, I think we have pretty good chemistry on stage.  We put effort into rehearsing our lines whenever we can.  I called her to practice on the way to my grandparents’ house and she called me during her breaks at work.

Specifically on this sort of performance (to use scripts instead of improv), I have to say I was a bit intimidated when we got our four-page script.  I saw the whole thing and wondered how I was going to memorize this because we were being marked on memory.  However, it came pretty easy to me.  I looked at a page every day and memorized it that night.  After I finished the whole script, Rochelle and I began to put emotion in and block the scene.  I actually liked having to understand the subtext of the lines and work to fill in the spaces with the right kind of emotion and actions.

Lastly, on improvements and what I would have done differently.  I definitely would have put more time into teching and rehearsing with the props.  We did work with the large table we used.  However, we did not have our costume and props present.  It threw me off a bit because on our performance day, I was not familiar with having handcuffs on and how I should sit as a convict.  Also, we did not properly tech the sound, so our white noise was too loud and our tech people did not know when to close the scene and they were not familiar with the cues.  I never knew that tech rehearsing was actually that essential, so that is definitely noted for next time.

All and all, this was a fun experience that I really enjoyed.  It really got me and Rochelle closer and allowed me to try and work with scripts since we have been doing improv up until now.  I would love to work with Rochelle again for our relationship scenes, but we have to choose different partners.  I just want to thank her for the awesome experience and wish her luck in her relationship scene.

I'll post a recording of our performance up sometime this week, so stay tuned =)

Perfectly Imperfect

per·fect

/adj., n. ˈpɜr fɪkt; v. pərˈfɛkt/ Show Spelled[adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]

–adjective

1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman. 

2. excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement: There is no perfect legal code. The proportions of this temple are almost perfect. 

3. entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: a perfect apple; the perfect crime.

4. accurate, exact, or correct in every detail: a perfect copy 

Those are the definition of someone or something that is perfect... or is it?  To some, something that is perfect is something that is broken.  To others, someone that is perfect is someone who makes them smile. Perfection is like beauty.  It is in the eye of its beholder.

Mrs. Thomas asked us who the perfect male and female is today, based on the media and society’s definition of perfect.  There was no one that could be named where we were 100% sure that they were 100% perfect.

This discussion really got me thinking about what perfect means to me?  It doesn’t necessarily mean a person without any flaws or wrongs.  In fact, to me, perfection is a person who has flaws and has done wrong.  The only difference is that they know how to be proud of those flaws and are able to positively work to better them.  A perfect person to me is someone who has made mistakes, but has learned from them and is working to better themselves and the world around them.

We all dream about the perfect-looking husband and we all envy over the perfect models, but are they really perfect?  Are they really the people who we want to spend our whole lives with or admiring? What if they are perfect looking, but have the most horrible and unattractive personality?  Imagine spending your whole life with or as someone who is rude, selfish and ignorant.  There is the chance that that perfect-looking man is out there, but let’s face it, is there really anyone out there like that?  Not even the Guinness World Records have yet to find that person.  Now, imagine if you did find that person.  Imagine the pressure of living up to their expectations.

Therefore, looks shouldn’t be weighed so heavily.  Of course, you need to be physically attracted to them.  However, I realized that this attraction doesn’t necessarily come wholly from the outside because looks and appearances changes.  Perfection is not mandatory to be friends, to be in love or to be attracted.  A decent looking person may be perfect in your eyes because of the beauty and purity of their spirit. Their personality may be the thing that gets you hooked on.  Those inner traits are what stays the same.

Ultimately, I challenge you, not to find the perfect-looking person and aspire to be like them, but to find that perfect person—or those perfect people—and determine what makes them so perfect and then seek to embody those qualities.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/perfect

Time and Space

Growing up is tough.  You have to worry about school, friends, boys, your parents, doing the right thing--the list goes on and on.  Music and writing is one of my outlets.  However, have you ever had those times when you just found the perfect song to describe your situation?  I always thought about how cool it would be to assemble my life's soundtrack. 

Anyway, remember how cooties were the worse possible situation that could happen?  You would avoid them at all costs and not get your heart broken.  You would never have to worry about if he thinks you're cute, or if you're pretty.  You would never have to stress over how long things would last and if your friendship would outstand a fall out.

I've been hurt many times and I guess that's all just a part of growing up.  You climb and you fall and you learn so you can climb even higher.  As much as I hate to admit it, I think I've grown numb to the pain in a way.  I won't allow myself to put  my guards down because my third time wasn't a charm.

There is this person who I value very much, but our history wasn't a clean slate.  I feel like there's so much pressure on me from school to my friends to this guy and it's hard pleasing everyone.  I feel like I've changed a lot and I'm drifting away from everyone.  My school work is my number one priority, but there's always the thought of him in the back of my head driving me crazy.

I know I need some space.  I need time to think, but I'm afraid he'll take it the wrong way.  I'm scared to be alone lose him.  I'm hanging onto the last thread and I wish I had more time to have a moment to myself. 

While listening to my iPod, I came across this song, Sometimes by the underground artist, Luunatic.  This song is about needing space and time for one self.  The distance is causing a strain on the relationship and the recent feelings are forced.

I sometimes feel that way.  There is a huge distance between us in the sense that I have so much work to do that I basically lock myself in my room without any communication to the outside world.  Some of the times, I feel like I am fronting the feelings because I don't want to disappoint anyone and the other times, my feelings are genuine and sincere.

Anyway, here is the song with the lyrics.

The End

So that’s it. It’s really over this time. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because I knew it was coming. I suppose I didn’t expect it to come so soon. Regardless, it happened and it ended and all that we’re left with is the memories, both good and bad. I just want to thank you for all that you’ve done for me. Despite all the arguments and disagreements, you always managed to make me smile and say things that made my day.

It’s just too bad that it didn’t work out. We are too different and our lives are poles apart that it’s amazing how we made it this far. Our futures are heading in totally separate directions and our personalities and interests are opposite.

Nonetheless, I learned a lot from you and about myself through these past months. I learned that I’ve still got a lot of growing to do and that nothing is perfect, no matter how much we want it to be. I learned how to push through things and to not stay in the past for too long.

I just want to apologize for anything that I’ve done to hurt you out of my own insecurities and I hope that you will be okay too. Thank you for everything you’ve done.



I miss you...

Friends aka Extended Family

To all my friends extended family,

You guys are the best!  I know I can be a handful at times, especially when I come to you with the same stories and problems over and over again.  Nonetheless, you still find the time and patience to listen.  What’s more is that you still continue to give me advice even though I almost never take it.  I definitely do appreciate it though, but sometimes we just have to learn the hard way.  Regardless, you are always there to offer assistance and pick me up when I fall.  You lift me high so I can reach my full potential and I just hope that I can be as good a friend to you guys.  Thanks for everything; I really and truly look up to all of you and you will always be my inspiration and motivation.