A Story to be Told

Homelessness and poverty is a tragic, but preventable issue. It honestly breaks my heart to know that the world has all this money and food to support the almost seven billion people in the world. However, all the money is going to useless causes such as warring and weapons and all the food is being thoughtlessly thrown out.

On the Queen and Ossington trip, I saw a lot of homeless people and my heart went out to them. Sometimes their reason is uncontrollable, such as mental illnesses. On the other hand, sometimes these reasons are preventable, such as drug abuse. Nonetheless, I hate seeing how they have to suffer because of others or they have to learn their lesson the hard way. 

However, the one thing that really sticks out to me from the trip is when we stopped at the thrift stores to find our clothes. It felt so dirty once we stepped into the store. There is was mouldy smell and I felt itchy right away. The clothes were everywhere: on racks, on the ground, in piles etc. I felt iffy touching the clothes, but that was our challenge: to step out of our norm and go shopping elsewhere.

I soon took it in that people actually do shop there. When I saw a couple old people, I was not as surprised, because I know that my grandfather likes to go through old stuff that people throw out. On the other hand, when I saw people who looked middle-classed, I was a little baffled as to why they were there. As I neared them to look at the same rack, their stench hit me hard. No offense to them, but it was horrible, probably because they had not showered recently. However, I did not want to judge them. Instead, it made me wonder why they were like that. What story did they have? If this is their style? Or do they not have a choice? Maybe this was a good deal for them, such as when we search for sales at the mall?

I saw this middle-aged lady pushing a cart full of items from the store and I saw another young man go through the children's section. I also saw someone probably in their late teens or early twenties going through the racks. He had the swag of your everyday teen, so I was taken aback when I saw him there and smelt his stench.

All of these people have a story and I wish we had more time to just take in our surroundings. I definitely would have liked to learn something about these people if I was given the time to stick around and observe.  

This experience really opened my eyes and renewed the realization that not all poor people have ragged clothes and no homes. Some look like everyday people who are struggling underneath the surface. Therefore, I learned that you should not judge a book by its cover and every single one of these covers has a story just waiting to be told to someone who has the time to listen.

Mission Accomplished

Down Queen Street.  Up Lansdowne to Bloor.  Back down to Dufferin and Dundas and then a sprint down Spadina to Queen.  Literally, it was a mission finding our clothing articles and getting back in time.  Nonetheless, it was a wonderful experience and I would defintely return to do it again.

The stores we went to varied from old-fashioned to high-end to run down basements to thrift stores.  Many of the stores at the beginning of our route are too expensive or not opened early.  Therefore, we decided to skip them and go to the 69 Vintage Collective/Buy the Pound store at Bloor.  On our way, we literally went underground to something that resembled a storage basement.  Surprisingly, we did find some awesome pants for a character and we were also able to bargain.  

Excited about our purchase, we continued the half hour walk to Bloor.  Before we reached our destination, we found a couple thrift shops.  These took me off guard because the smell really got to me.  Some of the customers there looked like regular, middle-classed people, but they had a really bad stench to them.  This made the store a nightmare to go into.  Everything felt really dirty and gross.  However, I am grateful for the experience because it really showed me the other side of life, making me realize how lucky I am to be able to go into real malls and try on clean clothes.

Anyway, at the 69 Vintage Collective/Buy the Pound store, we found some very interesting costumes that really tied together our scene.  The unique thing about this store is that a section of their merchandise is priced by weight.  As a result, we got a lot of items for low prices. 

The other cool thing about this store is that it is about five stores put into one.   69 Vintage Collective/Buy the Pound was on the main floor.  Upstairs, there are two other stores that are literally one small room each.  Down in the basement is Ransack the Universe.  They have really old furniture and items such as typewriters.  Also, they have a variety of buttons, tableware, cups and mugs, bags, ties and all those miscellaneous items.  It even has an old-fashioned, musty smell.

Content with our purchases, we headed back.  The bad news was that we took the time we had for granted.  Thinking we had more than enough time to get back, we strolled through the rest of the way.  However, with half an hour left on the clock, we began to panic.  We never realized how far down Dundas we had to walk because we did not have that part of the map printed.  With twenty minutes left on the clock, we were told Spadina was fifteen minutes away.  Then down Spadina, we had five blocks before we reached Queen.  Knowing that we would be disqualified if we were late, we ran those five blocks and made it back with three minutes to spare.  I hated the running, but it definitely made for a much more eventful day.

All in all, I would for sure come back to this area to go vintage shopping.  Seeing all the amazing clothes we can get for such low prices—especially at the thrift store where the clothes are already less than five dollars and are additionally half off—really fuelled my interest.   

The Bus Stop

I stare out the frosted window,
At the bus stop across the street.
Each time a bus slows,
My heart skips a beat.

Hoping I would see that familiar face,
Appearing in the sliding doors,
I could hear my heart race.
Then I could feel as it tore,

When I realized that we are through.
No more of your strong arms,
Your smile, your kisses, no more you,
Only my tears and a broken heart.

The doors begin to close,
And you’re still not there.
It drives into the cold,
But I still stay there and stare.

Maybe you would magically reappear,
And fill my life with laughter and love.
I try to fight the tears,
And I try to be tough.

But it’s hard when you’re gone,
And I’m left alone to fight.
I know I did you wrong,
But give me a chance to make it right.

I miss you so much,
That it’s driving me insane.
I don’t know how long I can keep this up.
Still, I know there’ll come a day,

Where my heart will recover,
And I will learn to accept it:
That nothing lasts forever.
So, now, I just want to thank you for all that you did.

Sometimes, I still look across the street,
And think about the past,
But my heart no longer skips a beat,
Because I realized that you’re not coming back. 

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

She’s an inspiration and a mentor.  She’s a fighter and a force to be reckoned with.  She’s a friend, a sister and a daughter.  She is my lovely and beautiful mother.  Last weekend was her birthday and I am so grateful for that day because that was the day that a wonderful and irreplaceable lady was brought into this world.

Without her in my life, I would be lost and incomplete.  She’s my Superwoman and Wonder Woman, all put into one body.  My mom is always there to give all that she can.  She works hard so we don't have to just get by.  She sacrifices everything to make us happy.  Honestly, winning the lottery is nothing compared to having a mother like her.

Although she does not always show it, her family has been and will always be her number one priority.  I know she will be there through thick and through thin.  When she was younger, she had to balance school with taking care of five younger siblings and housework.  My mom’s earlier life was not easy and it still isn’t.  However, she always seems to manage and that shows me that nothing is impossible and if I put my mind to it, I can do anything I want.

I am honoured to be known as her daughter and I hope to make her proud to be my mother.  My mom has given up so much to give me and my siblings a better life and a brighter future, something that she did not have growing up.  She came to a completely new country, knowing no English and having no money just so her children can have opportunities.  She works endless hours so we can have the money to buy those pointless objects that grasp our attention for a week.  She misses out on events so she can drive us to where we want to be.  She loses sleep so she can spend time with us.  My mom honestly does so much that I could go on for days.

Mom, I love you so much and I am so grateful to have such a wonderful figure in my life.  You have inspired me in so many ways.  If ever I feel like I want to give up, I always look to you and remember how you pushed through, regardless of the odds stacked up against you.  Thank you for everything, mommy and I hope you had an amazing birthday <3.

"I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine--
she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights."

~Terri Guillemets

Mission Vintage

"Fashions fades, style is eternal."

--Yves Saint Laurent

Remember those days when everyone had to get those different-coloured chucks?  And did you forget when everyone had to have those Dickies backpacks?  There were also those coloured skinnies and then the burned tees that everyone wore for a couple of months. 

I still wear coloured skinnies and burned tees and use a Dickies bag, but just because I like how they look on me, not because everyone did.  That is my style, which I’d like to think is unique, not to be conceited.  I like the not-so-formal-just-casual style.  You may, and you may not.  Regardless, this is my style.  It may change as I mature, but whatever I wear, it’s still MY style, which will stay for as long as my name is spoken.

Anyway, our third Quadrant Challenge is in Ossington where we have to find a complete outfit for $10 or less at the various vintage stores there.  The outfit has to match in the sense that it has to go together well enough to create a distinct character.

This challenge has gotten me really excited because I have always loved the vintage style and how different it looks.  I never knew where you could get them or how to dress in that manner.  However, when I see it on TV and in movies, I always fall in love with its colour and uniqueness. 

Now that our challenge requires us to visit these stores, I can’t wait to go.  I was told that these stores range from your nice typical store to closed dusty basements to grimy staircases, so I’m a little scared, but the experience will be amazing regardless. 

I am honestly so pumped for this challenge.  I’ll probably end up picking up a few extra pieces as well =).  Maybe even my dress for semi-formal LOL.

Stay tuned and I’ll be recapping the whole experience and posting pictures soon =).

The End

So that’s it. It’s really over this time. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because I knew it was coming. I suppose I didn’t expect it to come so soon. Regardless, it happened and it ended and all that we’re left with is the memories, both good and bad. I just want to thank you for all that you’ve done for me. Despite all the arguments and disagreements, you always managed to make me smile and say things that made my day.

It’s just too bad that it didn’t work out. We are too different and our lives are poles apart that it’s amazing how we made it this far. Our futures are heading in totally separate directions and our personalities and interests are opposite.

Nonetheless, I learned a lot from you and about myself through these past months. I learned that I’ve still got a lot of growing to do and that nothing is perfect, no matter how much we want it to be. I learned how to push through things and to not stay in the past for too long.

I just want to apologize for anything that I’ve done to hurt you out of my own insecurities and I hope that you will be okay too. Thank you for everything you’ve done.



I miss you...

That's the Way It Is

“They may give you a praise when you seem to need it, but they will give you a job only when they need it...” (Cohen 10).

The above quote is stated in the very first chapter of Acting Professionally by Robert Cohen and it really got me thinking.

Sometimes, coming out of an audition or performance, people will say things like “That was fantastic!”, “Five stars!”, “Two thumbs up!” etc. Maybe they are sincere and maybe they are lying. However, if you are to measure yourself in this industry by praise, you are heading down a very naive road that may very well lead to failure.

People will say anything to make themselves look good. Saying “You were amazing!” is much better than saying “That was horrible,” on your part and theirs. They look like a nice, gentle person, rather than ruthless and cruel. You leave feeling happy and have nothing against them, even if you are not hired.

However, the fact of the matter is that you can only say you are worth five stars when you land that role. Unfortunately, roles are not handed out as easily and sparingly as praise. As a result, it is sad and heartbreaking to see aspiring actors fool themselves and grow a big ego when they are commended. If taken the wrong way, actors will refuse to take criticism to improve their performances because so and so said that they were already brilliant.

The way Cohen put the issue is so direct and straightforward that it makes this industry so daunting to even consider entering. This is where heart and passion comes in. If you are thinking of giving up after reading that line, then you are better off choosing a different career because it only gets worse. That's just the way it is. This industry can be ruthless and you may probably be lucky to receive praise at all, true or not. They may have a couple seconds to commend you, but they definitely do not have the money in their budget to give a pity role.

All in all, take this line as a reality check. Knowing all of this, are you ready and still willing to enter this industry in spite of its sometimes fabricated front?  Are you able to keep a levelled head, even with the 'praises'?  If so, be grateful and take the applauding comments with grace, but realize that you will always have room to grow and improve, especially if you got the praise, but not the role.

Influence of TV Commercials on Children

Television is already an influential means for entertainment and education, especially for children. However, today, it has the freedom to advertise both positive and negative messages, directly and indirectly.  Maybe too much freedom.

TV commercials are becoming more and more clever and controlling, especially those that target children.  When a company wants to produce profit, it seems like they are willing to do anything.  They create eye-catching commercials and useless products with a familiar cartoon on it. 

By hooking consumers at a young age, companies can develop brand loyalty in the future.  One commercial for a specific toy may be advertising for a bigger franchise. For example, a set of Spider Man action figures on a commercial have derived from the much bigger Spider Man franchise.  Under this franchise is a long list of products, which includes movies, games, clothes, bed sheets, stationary backpacks and more. With their interest in the action figures and cartoon, children will explore other products related to the toy, sky-rocketing the franchise’s sales just from that one commercial.

I never saw it that way, but after writing an essay for my Film and Video class, I really took it in.  I was also kind of irritated at the stupidness of some products and realized that it's the name brand that we are paying for, not necessarily the actual product and its quality.

Lose Yourself in the Moment, not LA

Before legally moving out and living on your own, I would hope that you have about eighteen years filled with teachings from your parents or other inspirational figures, various means of motivation, accomplishments you are proud of and an idea of what makes you unique.  In fact, many of you will have probably spent most of those eighteen years being teased and taunted about that unique feature.  Anyway, all of these things make up who you are and have become.  These are the building blocks of a person.  In this industry, they can be defined as the essence of the actor.

I was reading an article from The Acting Room that really gave me an ‘aha’ moment.  It was about how to deal with the reality of LA.  No, it’s not the glamorous city we see on The Hills nor is it the exciting place we watch on Gossip Girl.  This is especially true when you are broke without a job.  This is when LA becomes your worst nightmare—the complete opposite of TV.

Of course, this isn’t to scare aspiring actors wanting to move to LA.  It’s merely a reality check.  The article by Kirsten Tretbar advises that anyone planning to move to this city take some time to seriously and deeply reflect on themselves.  Think about everything that you’ve been taught, all of your morals, beliefs and values.  Keep hold of what makes you happy and enjoy life.  Most importantly, remember and never forget the reason why you get out of bed every day—and I know you have one if you’re reading this right now.

In LA, you are bound to be faced with rejections.  However, with this mindset, all the cruelty and coldness becomes easier to bear because you can retreat home after a hard day’s work and still find the beauty in life.  Auditions shouldn’t be solely about getting that gig.  Of course, it should be your number one priority or you won’t survive financially in LA.  Nonetheless, auditions hold a lot of possibilities to meet new people and learn something news, so don’t forget to take a bit of time to just take it all in.

Lastly, Kirsten’s bit of advice about translating your old self into your LA self is inspiring.  You don’t have to totally reinvent yourself because you want to be an actor.  In fact, bringing to the table some old quirkiness and bizarre or beloved skills and talents may be your ticket in.  Films may need a dancer, commercials may need a funny laugh and plays may need a pianist.  Being an actor, you still have the whole world in the palm of your hands.  It doesn’t mean that you can’t be everything else you want to—unless what you want to be is illegal, then I would definitely not suggest it.

Ultimately, stay professional, but also, stay yourself.

*Click here for the article I read.

The Essence of Acting

The essence of acting is the reason why a line is said or an action is executed.  It is the answer to the questions what, why and how?  What is this character doing? Why is this character doing this? How is he/she doing this?  These are essential answers to discover because it is the basic building blocks of your performance, they key component to making it believable.

If you don’t know what you are doing, then you will take away from the believability of the scene. You may hesitate, react too fast or react too slow. However, knowing the script beforehand, you may over think the action and make it stiff.  Picture a scene where a girl is going to slap a boy for hitting on her.  The male actor sees it coming, so he turns his head even before the girl raises her hand.  The audience, then, will be left wondering 'what is he doing?'.  Or, picture the same scene where the girl slaps the boy and, not knowing the script, he just stands there--not out of surprise and shock, but because he has no idea how his character is supposed to react or where the scene is going.  Therefore, you should always go with the flow, react as a normal person would in the situation and use your instincts, but also know where the scene is heading towards and what kind of character you are portraying.

Secondly, if you don’t know why you are doing or saying something, it too will look and sound dead and robotic. Without knowing the reason why, your action and/or line is empty.  It has no feeling or emotion and you will not grab the attention of the audience because there is no connection.  The audience will not be able to relate and be in that moment of awe.  For example, if a character is saying "I hate you" but the actor does not know why, how would he/she convey that emotion.  Is the character saying it jokingly, or does she genuinely hate someone?  That confusion takes away from the believability and emotional connection to the audience.

Lastly, know how your character would say a line or do an action is important in defining and building that character.  Do they do it lazily, cheerfully, quickly, flowingly etc.  Anyone can set a table, but how you do it can very well illustrate your character without the use of dialogue.  Likewise, the tone of voice and fluctuation while delivering a line will demonstrate the character’s emotion and current mood.  If the line is delivered quick, snappy and in-your-face, the character is probably angry or frustrated.  If it is delivered slowly and slurred, the character could be tired or drunk.  In these situations, the tone of voice and amount of fluctuation will let the audience know how the characters are feeling without having to say “She’s ugly.", "I feel so bad for him.", "I am so angry right now.”, "She hates him." etc.  Imagine watching a movie and the character says in a monotone voice, "I hate cleaning.  I am so lazy.  My mom makes me so angry because she expects me to do all the work," while picking up the clothes on the ground  Of course, there are times characters express their feelings, but to hear it instead of see for the entire movie would definitely make it a dry experience.

Ultimately, the essence of acting is why you say or do a certain line or action, but usually on a bigger scale, as in why a character is the way he/she is, why he/she is doing what they do, how they are doing it and why is the scene even in the script.  It is the subtext of a line or action.  It is the bigger picture, the intention of the script and the reaction wanted from the audience.  All of this put together creates a scene, play or movie a story that reaches out and pulls on the heartstrings of the audience.  It takes them on a journey of emotions and leaves them wanting more.

Inspiration

To all my teachers, mentors and inspirations,

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me and empowering me with the strength to dream big, create change and make a difference.  It truly is a blessing and a great assurance that there are people in this world who genuinely care and want us to succeed and do well.  Whether you inspired me once, or a thousand times, or if you left a big or small impact on me, I am so grateful to have you touch my life.  All that you left me is forever in my heart and will make up the person I become tomorrow, in the next year or decade.  Your legacy will live on through me and with your faith and trust in me and my abilities, I will never let you down. 

And thank you to everyone else who I have not mentioned and who I will meet and add to my list.  I am so lucky to wake up every day to be surrounded by such positive influences, especially with all that is going on in the world.   You give me the reason to believe that not everything has to be so messed up and you give me hope that one day, things will change for the better.  Happy Thanksgiving; but also, thank you for the other 364 days.

Friends aka Extended Family

To all my friends extended family,

You guys are the best!  I know I can be a handful at times, especially when I come to you with the same stories and problems over and over again.  Nonetheless, you still find the time and patience to listen.  What’s more is that you still continue to give me advice even though I almost never take it.  I definitely do appreciate it though, but sometimes we just have to learn the hard way.  Regardless, you are always there to offer assistance and pick me up when I fall.  You lift me high so I can reach my full potential and I just hope that I can be as good a friend to you guys.  Thanks for everything; I really and truly look up to all of you and you will always be my inspiration and motivation.

Nothing More

So I was cleaning my room and found this.  It is something that I wrote during the summer as a response to something someone else had written for me. 

So it's been two years, give or take a couple weeks.

Still remember the first time I laid eyes on you and how my knees went weak.

Never thought that we'd make it this far.

I mean, we've been through so many ups and downs.

Marked by those permanent scars,

And those tears that will forever stain.

Reminding me of all those nights in pain,

From the past that I wish would fade.

But I guess everything happens for a reason.

I know my heart will heal one day,

But for now, just gotta take this as a lesson.

Keep those walls up,

Turn from love,

So I won't cry anymore,

And I won't hurt like before.

I know you're sorry and I am too,

Because I can't get over what happened.

Just know that there's no doubt that you're forgiven,

But I just need some time to get through,

All that I'm going through.

Maybe later on, it can be like before,

But for now I just need to be friends and nothing more.